the joys of being a middle-aged man
Changed the fusion of middle age
The third of my index finger is easy to put in the navel.
This deepening body cavity can now hold numbers that exceed the knuckles, confirming what I am most worried about: I gained weight and it is not a beautiful sight.
How many years left before I could push my whole hand into that hole the stuff that would fill the extra space of the size of the Afghan shower is no longer lingering, I can\'t bend and support comfortably in front of the mirror either.
Instead, when I stole my reflection, in addition to the belly cave mentioned earlier, I noticed a disturbing shaking movement around the chest. Breasts!
Cleavage when I bend over!
Although most men like breasts, they don\'t want their own.
Touching your own well-proportioned mound does not bring much sexual pleasure to people.
Mine is like an extra set, very disturbingeyed heads.
Underneath them was a roll of new fat, and when I sat in front of my computer and fell down in my usual bad posture, my breasts almost touched my waist.
Today I noticed that I can no longer wear a thin white shirt without the support of tight underwear.
If I don\'t knock down those evil twins, my nipples will be clearly visible.
Believe me, you don\'t want to see them.
I will never go out in public naked again. chested (or bare-breasted).
Even the locker room shower was risky, although I recently found some burly old people in the gym who made me feel a little light.
I see these people in the shower, usually at the booth in the corner, away from the young gazelles, who use what I call \"show the nozzle\" with blatant intent, located in front
My comrades don\'t stay.
They washed with soap, rinsed quickly, wrapped themselves in a pile of towels, hurried back into the locker, and untied the dark XXL-for the sake of safety-
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In those sultry meetings, there was so much stigma between the participants that we rarely had eye contact.
It\'s like yesterday, we blew the towel up.
Now silent Ben-Gay.
I don\'t look like a fat man because I\'m tall.
Before the bully starts shaking me up for the latte money, I can hold up a lot of weight.
I don\'t get fat in my traditional spare time.
It\'s more like a thickening of the whole body, like injecting yeast.
But the worst is yet to come.
I\'m 44 years old now.
My grandfather lived to be in his 80 s;
My grandmother lived to be 91 years old.
Say I continue to grow 2 pounds a year until I am 88-
This will make me around 300 pounds.
I am not a vain man.
Obscurity has always been my goal.
Many times I walked into a room and was not noticed.
People handed me their hats and coats on their way to another more exciting room, with notable people in the room, those who were able to talk about themselves in a fun way.
I\'m a bit annoying like Muzak, but after a while
White wallpaper for daily life.
This is a good attribute that absolutely does not exist.
I am sure that due to my ability to be like a cloud, I have avoided numerous beatings from my neighbors.
But as the handling fee increases, how long this will last \"Sorry, I didn\'t see you standing there\" may soon be \"seeing where you\'re going, donuts!
\"Rogue hair is also a new obsession.
I never thought I \'d betray my eyebrows.
If I\'m relaxing with a razor all day, fast
Anti-rebel hair will fall off the more conservative eyebrow community and blow itself north.
I know where it goes: there is an emerging colony in my left ear.
Once these hairy suburbs are united, they will be like all the suburbs:de-
Sacs and spread to the point of overcrowding.
Meanwhile, my normal eyebrows are trying to meet secretly in the middle of my face to form an upper facial beard.
Equally disturbing is a single, continuous coarse sprayblack hair (
My hair is light brown)
From the bridge of my nose ---
Say it directly and have your own ideas.
The pioneer of pioneer is like a green one --limbed willow.
I noticed too many men with the same hair gave up trying to tame it.
I might be joining them soon.
It is said that you will become smarter as you grow older.
Young people will sit on your knees and ask you important and serious questions. only one experienced and secular person can answer these questions: Is there an afterlife? What does someone in their 60 s look like? How do you program Ken Starr\'s video recorder? Call the best internet stock I can borrow for $75, but I\'m in my 40 s and don\'t have such protigi standing up for my wisdom.
No one asked me to serve in the general elders.
No grass at all-
The grassroots movement that pushed me into the political arena.
But I\'m old.
The growing toenails moistened the color and texture of the raisins, and I got a great deal of joy from scratching.
Half the time of my life, the clicking sound at my feet is the dull sound of the bone on the bone, just like the bass sound board.
I have a clear tendency to fate, and the traditional hair removal technology is out of reach to expand back hair.
Everyone on the street looked like they were, but I can\'t remember their names.
I didn\'t complain too loudly, though.
After all, this person is basically complete and healthy.
Given the annoying alternative, I had no choice but to suck my internal organs and forward soldiers, with razors and tweezers in my hand, stumbling towards the wonderful 50 s and unknown realms.
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