when kids start playing to win
It\'s an interesting word that has developed some bad reputation: \"competition.
\"Some parents are worried that losing is not just difficult once the child starts playing win games around the age of 5.
This is devastating.
Explain competition to average 5-year-
Old, I\'m going to summon an adult known for his ferocity on the field, a competitive giant: Vince Lombardi.
The football legend and former coach of the Green Bay Packers not only won the Super Bowl,
He won the first Super Bowl.
Then he won the second one.
\"Victory is not everything, but it is the only one.
There is no second place in our business.
\"This is a famous saying that he often repeats.
For half a century, these words have appeared on bumper stickers, T-
Shirts and inspirational posters.
Lombardi may be less than 5 years old when he says this, but at that age or so, children start thinking about competition like adults: they want to win every time. \'Boo-Yah! Boo-Yah! \'Five-year-
Old Zev Glaser is already a master of junk talk.
He lives in Silver Spring, Maryland.
With his parents and younger brother, after playing a good card in a fierce monopoly trading game, taunt began.
They have a wide range and are almost harmless. . .
\"Today is my birthday! \". . .
To the tip of the decoration. . .
\"I\'m going to win, smelly guy!
\"Stinker is Zev\'s mother, Pnina Laric, and she is not a person who is easy to beat.
When she started laying the property and collecting the rent, Zev responded like many children of his age --
With a sad \"Nooooooo!
\"The moment Zev lost, he wanted to play again.
And, his parents say, it\'s not just cards.
Everything has become a competition.
Laric looked through the list: \"Put on your shoes first, take a shower first, and go upstairs and brush your teeth first.
Tovah Klein, author of \"How Toddlers Thrive,\" said: \"The urge to compete is very natural.
When children are very good at one thing, it starts around 4 or 5 years old: category.
\"Big/small, the color is a category, fast/slow.
Once they start doing this, they can make a comparison.
\"Once the kids start comparing, they say, \'Hey, wait a minute.
Someone in the world is faster than me.
I want to be the fastest.
Or, I want to be the biggest.
Or, \"What I want most.
In the words of the great Lombardy: \"Victory is not everything, but it is the only thing. \"Five-year-
Old Zev is at the beginning of his competitive life.
Now he likes to win,-
This is important: Losing is not devastating to himself. esteem.
This is good news.
The bad news is: \"The skill starts around 7 or 8 and the kids suddenly look around and say \'Oh!
Susan Hart, a professor of developmental psychology at the University of Denver, said.
At the age of 5, children like Zev can compare, but at the age of 7 or 8, they will take it to a whole new level, she said.
Many people began to carve in their minds what she called \"the totem pole of social comparison \".
Smart kids at the top
With fast kids and lovely kids.
But the winner is the loser.
Harter said: \"If you are at the bottom of the totem pole, you will lose yourself
Confidence and you will start to experience failure is very devastating to yourself.
\"To make matters worse, Nimes Tottenham, an associate professor of psychology at Columbia University, said the brain part that helped children manage the massive emotions lost was the last to develop --
So they need a lot of help.
\"When we are in the competition,\" Tottenham said, \"We are balancing the positive feelings of rewards and positive feedback on ourselves, not the potentially daunting setbacks.
\"No wonder when it\'s the children\'s turn to sign up for their first football or T-
Many parents say there is no way to protect them from failure.
But Tottenham said it could be equally harmful.
\"I think it\'s really important to fail.
The difficulty lies in the failure of management and then learning from it.
\"Competition is not a dirty word. Far from it.
This may be a very good thing for the children.
Because management failure and learning from mistakes are important skills that we must learn as children as adults.
How did you do it? Easy.
Don\'t focus only on victory.
Of course, it\'s hard.
\"From a child development perspective, Vince Lombardi is totally wrong,\" said Kenneth Barrish, associate professor of psychology clinical at will School of Medicine, Cornell University.
\"It\'s not all about winning,\" Barrish said . \".
\"It\'s also a matter of teamwork.
This is about hard work. . .
Be a better player.
\"Let\'s imagine that Zev is now 8 years old from our story.
No matter what he is playing, he should not compare himself to a Scotty superstar, nor should his parents, coaches or teachers.
Today\'s Zev needs to be compared to last week or last month\'s Zev-
Apple vs Apple
When he fails, the adult in his life should pay attention to the cause of his failure.
It is also important that when Zev wins, still focus on the process --
He did a good job. not the win.
Experts warn: Don\'t try to quit completely.
This is impossible.
It\'s OK for the children to win.
Adults just need to help them win and-key word here —improving.
All of this is Raj Verma\'s old hat, who is the volunteer coach of the water wolves and a competitive youth swimming team at the YMCA in Va Reston.
He practiced firmly.
It is expected that the children will arrive on time, put on their clothes and swim, and he will not be distracted.
On each lane, a young swimmer moves quickly within the Verma-specified number of laps.
He waited by the pool and looked at every stroke and every breath.
\"Remember what I said,\" he told a swimmer who was obviously exhausted and a little frustrated.
\"When you are tired, you will have a short arm.
Make sure we get them all the way back.
Especially when you\'re tired.
That\'s when our muscles remember, okay?
\"Verma is a faithful believer in Apple --to-
Apple\'s approach is not to compare one child to another, but to compare past and present performance.
\"A child may be a swimming star,\" he said . \"
\"A child may struggle in the pool.
The goal is not just to get the best time.
The goal is not just to defeat the person next to you.
The goal is actually to improve yourself.
A warm water Wolf is swimming
Perry sziawney, who has just turned 13, recently
She has been swimming since she was 9 years old.
\"I like to be with my friends and be able to play and swim as fast as possible,\" she said . \".
Asked how she knew if she was doing well at a meeting, Perry quickly replied, \"Well, sometimes my legs feel like jelly.
So, for the first time, I felt that I had succeeded.
\"For Perry, coach Wilma and the water Wolf, winning is just a way to measure personal progress.
As Lombardi famously said, this is not the only way. Then again . . .
Lombardy himself did not really believe in the Frankenstein mantra he helped create.
In 1968, two years before his death, in the hallof-
Fame Chi produced a sales training film called \"Second Effort.
Shortly after he told a clumsy salesman that winning was the only thing, he added that it was bigger than the Packers guard: \"If everyone in our team knows, when the game is over, he played the best game he could. I can\'t blame him.
\"It sounds like a small encirclement of sziawney.
It\'s not a matter of winning or losing-
But do you have jelly legs?